


Horse Cocks and Other Stories

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Crack, Extensive discussion of Dragon Dildos, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only rated Mature because of the subject matter. Set on pre-session Beforus.</p><p>Actually just a single story on how Mituna was once a 4chan kid and Horuss was caught on darker sides of the web because of that.</p><p>Mostly a too long dragon dildo joke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horse Cocks and Other Stories

It was actually kind of funny - by the standards of the cruellest of gods - because the only reason he ever heard of Bad Dragon was due to a mean spirited joke: Good old Mituna and his off-beat humour, slipping in masked urls that led to pictures of giant alien phalluses sent to shock and annoy, disgust even, but never actually titillate.

In the middle of a 12-way trollian chat it was easy to not notice a certain Horuss Zahhak disconnecting in a hurry, but the husktop that flew out of his hive that day - to be found halfway across Beforus - was a bit more noticeable.

If only just because the ghost image of a red dildo spurting thick white goo sky high (a sight only slightly less impressive than what had just happened to the device that displayed it) still flickered on the screen when it landed.

Oh the internet was a wondrous thing.

\--

CT: 私の裏庭上のコンピュータがあります。

CT: これは、汗のようなにおい。

\--

anachronicTinkering [AT] began trolling grievingCollective [GC]

AT: --|--> What sick sorts of internet webspaces does one have to frequent to even FIND this filth Captor?!  
GC: H4H4H4, WHY Z4HH4K, 1F YOU W4N7ED ME 7O CLUE YOU 1N ON 7HE DR4GON D1LDOS, YOU JUS7 H4D 7O S4Y SO.  
AT: --|--> ...  
GC: HERE Y0U G0, M1GH7 D0 Y4 S0ME G00D 70 GE7 S0ME7H1NG S7UCK UP Y0UR N00K.  
GC: 7HE EX7R4 L4RGE FL4RED CH4NCE 1S R1GH7 UP Y0UR 4LLEY BR0.  
GC: GE7 17 1N 4N 8.  
GC: FUCK1NG D0 17.  
AT: --|--> I can't even be bothered to correct you.  
AT: --|--> You unsufferable nincompoop.  
GC: 4LRE4DY G07 4 SP4DES H0RSE GUY, S0 7H4NKS, 8U7 N0 7H4NKS.

grievingCollective [GC]  ceased trolling anachronicTinkering [AT]

\--

It takes him five minutes to find the courage to click the link and several breathing exercises to avoid wrecking his husktop again.

(He counted his blessings on Damara being such a nice girl and shipping the remains back, most would just blackmail him for sweeps.)

Within the half hour he's gawking at several sketches on his millimeter paper - made as accurate as possible with the measurements available - and comparing them with his arm and back again several times in confusion.

None of them can possibly be THAT huge.

Can they?

\--

(Weeks later he finds that they can.)

(And while he did follow Captor's advice for the model, he made it a 5.)

(The Void once told him he had infinite potential, but one has to recognize their limits)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, but thank you for enduring this!
> 
> Damara's japanese simply goes "There is a computer on my backyard. It smells like sweat." and it's courtesy of google translate.
> 
> I actually tried to be witty with the trollian handles and wound up liking Mitunas' more than Horuss'. Go figure.


End file.
